Result October 29, 2009

I forgot I had this blog.  Here it is, just a scrap of all that happened last year. 

I did successfully withdraw from all those psychiatric medications and did not take medication of any kind for over a year.  As time went on last year, I realized that I hadn’t ever needed to be on those medications.  I went through the devastating discovery that my husband had been unfaithful and the agonizing months of trying to make a marriage work that was over without “losing it” and without medicinal “support.”  When my husband and I finally parted late last year, I did seek medicinal help to sleep and I occasionally use sleep aids even now.  Overall, I am able to live without psychiatric medication.

I still sometimes endure very low moods but life is full of suffering, as it should be.

No Continuity of Care April 1, 2008

As I look back on my 18 years experience with the mental health care system, I can see clearly that one HUGE obstacle was always in the way of getting proper care.  It is easier to see how different it could have been now that I have lived in Belgium with it’s socialized health care system. 

Here in the U.S., nearly every time you change jobs, you change insurance carriers and must find a new “preferred” provider.  Because of the depressions and the sicknesses brought on by the “cure”, I changed jobs more times than I can remember in the last 18 years. 

Each time I saw a new doctor, we were starting from scratch.  I wasn’t the best patient and didn’t keep track of my symptoms or the drugs I was taking and it always seemed like shooting in the dark.  The lack of a proper medical history never seemed to worry them much and so I guess I didn’t let it worry me either.

I read on Gianna’s blog that she collected all her various records some time ago.  I wouldn’t begin to know where all my records are.  I can’t remember the names of all the doctors. 

It’s crazy that these people with whom I had so little  contact made such a huge impact on my life with seemingly little care for me as a whole person.

It’s Me March 15, 2008

Flicker Me

Originally uploaded by tessaincali

Me on a perfect day. I am standing on a hilltop which overlooks a medieval village in Luxembourg. It is surrounded by a river that looks like and serves as a moat. The village is called Esch-sur-Sure. I would love to be there now.

Pushy Pompous Psychiatrist March 13, 2008

When I decided to discontinue use of the psych meds, I tried to do the responsible thing and called my psychiatrist.  It was my intention to taper off the meds under doctor supervision as had been recommended to me. 

I had only seen this psych on two other occasions…both times he prescribed new medications based on a 50 minute interview.  When I needed to see him this time he was on vacation and I was referred to another psych.  I came armed with my list of side effects and other information I had gathered regarding the possibility that I did not need to take these medications.  After 30 minutes of talking to me, this new psych tried to diagnose me with a new disorder.  This time it was borderline personality disorder.  When I asked him why he was jumping to that conclusion he said often times people are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder who actually have borderline personality disorder and I seemed agitated to him which was a symptom.

Here I was trying to explain that I thought I had been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder due to a reaction to Prozac,  spent the last 8 years suffering from the side effects of more than 15 different meds and believed I didn’t need any medication.  He was fast on his feet trying to keep me popping pills.  It was the same old thing.  The drugs aren’t working?  Must be something else wrong with you we didn’t notice before. 

I left angry with a script for a reduced amount of my medications.  I did not fill that script.  That visit was the final straw.  I decided to quit cold turkey and hopefully never see the inside of another psychiatrists office.