A discussion on another blog prompts me to give some background on my medication usage history. I was originally prescribed anti-depressants in 1989 or 90. It started with Prozac. Over the next ten years I was prescribed Paxil, Remeron, Zoloft, Lexapro, Wellbutrin and Effexor. Those of you who have had experience with the psychiatric system know all too well what that was like. Everytime I went in and complained that I was still depressed or that the side effects were preventing me from functioning, they prescribed another drug.
After a few years of anti-depressant usage I started to experience anxiety, sleep disturbances, mood swings and other symptoms I can no longer remember. My ability to function, which had been very high, was decreasing with every year. As a result, I started being prescribed Xanax and Valium. By 2000, my depression and anxiety had reached an all time high and I was prescribed Prozac again. This triggered a severe mania which led to a bipolar disorder diagnosis. I was prescribed Lithium and placed on disability for a year. The lithium made me feel like an absolutey desperate zombie. I stayed on it for perhaps six months. I sat in the house for a year trying all sorts of medications for bipolar disorder and hating myself. I believed my life was over. I was broken and irreparable.
Since 2000 I have been given anti-depressants intermittently and what I now know are neuroleptics. I have been on Clonazepan, Zyprexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin and a few others I can’t remember.
So, in all I have been medicated for 18 years on at least 15 different medications. I have been hospitalized twice but only overnight.
It was suggested elsewhere that perhaps because of my youth ( I am 39) or because I had not been on medications very long (18 years); the cold turkey cessation worked for me. I don’t know why it worked or if there will be problems down the road. I am hopeful that I am indeed one of the lucky few but I have no way of knowing what long term damage was done.
hey there! Nice to see you!
I actually wasn’t assuming you were a youth—just making a generalization. Your cold turkey marvel seems to be simply that–a marvel–because youth to me means early 20’s without a too excessive drug history.
cheers!!
I’ll keep on reading your other entries now.
I have only been playing this game of Russian roulette with meds since May 2007 but I’ve been on four since then. I’m not glad you went through 18 years of being a lab rat, I’m just glad I’m not alone.
Gianna,
Thanks for stopping by. I’m afraid my entries aren’t much at the moment. I only have internet access at work right now so I can’t devote much time.
Of course, I shouldn’t be doing it at all.
Mariah,
You are far from alone. I have only just begun to discover how many people have very similar stories.
If I had it all to do again I would have been much more involved in my treatment. I put blind faith in the medical community and did not keep myself informed and educated about the medicines I was being prescribed.
You are fairly new to the fun game of drug “russian roulette.” Don’t blindly accept what you are told. Get second opinions.
Don’t blindly accept what you are told. Get second opinions.
May I boldly suggest doing research and coming up with your own opinion? It took me 18 years and about 12 doctors to find one open-minded enough to let me do what I’m doing now. We still don’t share the same opinion though.
I think that is what you did too, Tessa!
http://missisyphus.wordpress.com/
A life that requires a lot of resilience can result in one going off in many new directions!
Note: specific names of states and institutions are omitted at this time, but I promise I will fill those in after my daughter gets a chance to go over this information with me. She does not know my whole story. The stories she’s heard, I’m a self-centered party girl lightly flitting my way through life with not a care or concern for how I affect others! Ok, I wish life was so light and simple. This is a work in process and I’m trying to dredge up as much history as I can remember. I had done such a good job of dumping my luggage nearly a decade ago, that I have a hard time remembering things. But as continue write I think I can fill in the blanks. Right now I’m skimming but I will keep coming back and reworking as I remember…
I came into this world of mental health care in ‘69-’70. My mother was committed with a dx of schizophrenia, and we were off to the races. As a six year old, hearing the stories of her treatment and the visits to the psych. hospital were terrifying! I was already a severely depressed child with suicide attempts beginning while i was 4 or 5 (another story which i wrote poems about). It wasn’t long before i was in therapy “since my mother was”. Our family was torn apart.
Grade school (’69-’77) was an all too painful experience but by high school (’77-’81) my pronounced mood swings began…i had discovered alcohol, minor league drugs by 14 and ran away from home at 16. I developed anorexia that year as well. it was determined that i would not be able to attend a traditional college, maybe a junior college…but likely “i might be able hold a job bagging groceries and my parents would have to support me the rest of my life”. i did get into a small college (’81-’83) and excelled in my pre-med and fine art classes (only), but the drinking and starving got way out of hand and eventually the depression gave way to wild mood swings. I was given Buspar by a psychiatrist who worked with people who have eating disorders. I took the meds for a bit but I didn’t get any better and I was not receiving any sort of counseling. I was becoming a very unpredictable and scary person! I dropped out my sophomore year (‘83).
After leaving college, I began working in a vitamin store and with my love of all things medical i threw myself into learning everything i could. I became pregnant with my wonderful daughter and for several months everything seemed to be in a bit of a remission. Although, my post-partum behavior was indicative of problems, they did not have “post partum depression” per say back then (‘84). I walked out on my 18 month old daughter and I went down, bad, with my alcoholism leading the way. I starved to nearly ninety pounds (i’m 5′ 6″ and weighed in at 182 pregnant). I began self-mutilating with cigarettes and safety pins. I was a punker, a “d-rocker”, now referred to as “Goth”. I loved death and wanted to die 24/7. I lived as if I were immortal on the one hand but had a death wish in my other hand.
http://missisyphus.wordpress.com/
What an achievement getting off all those drugs, not least clozapine.
Who on earth prescribed that to you?!
Clozapine is usually reserved a “weapon of last resort” against the so-called treatment-resistant schizophrenia.
Clozapine has a host of iatrogenic problems in itself – it can cause an intractable organic psychosis, dementia and a very serious and potentially fatal blood disorder called agranulocytosis.
No wonder no drug company wants to manufacture Clozapine as a generic. It’s one of the worst liability drugs of all time.
Clozapine must be up there in the rogue’s gallery with the likes of thalidomide.
You are a very lucky woman to have recovered from ingesting all that psycho-pharma muck!
I’ve been on and off all sorts of medications too. I wish I could just quit cold turkey and be ok, but I doubt that would work well.
Sloopy Cowbell,
You made a good point about Clozapine. I had my drug name wrong. It was Clonazpan that I was on not clozapine.
I will fix my post.
I do feel very lucky. It’s been a couple of months now and so far no symptoms or serious withdrawl in sight.
OMEGA 3’s a hope for Bipolar? I know that I have come down cold turkey from many meds esp. the valium or the xanax. I did not tell therapists or doc’s that came off of the cold turkey after months of use, because they do not believe it can be done, oh it can be done however I am told extremely dangerous. It is the fact that the Doc’s do not want you off of them so they try to wean you on another same type drug… a Pharmy Kick back they get. oh and the kick back the user gets is a kick to the liver kidneys heart or pancrease. Come clean!!!!
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.